Fire & Courage

I read something this morning that lit my fire. Literally set me aflame with motivation to. get. it. done.

Every morning I enter my routine of having quiet time with God and a moment to get my breath right before the chaos of the day ensues. Being a working mom, with two jobs, a husband without a "normal" schedule and three very active and passionate little boys (#theroyboys) makes it difficult to deposit some sanity beck into the bank around here.

I have to schedule my sanity breaks. Let me tell you... if that break doesn't happen, happy mama doesn't happen. So, even though I despise mornings and prefer the company of the moon and stars into the wee hours, I get myself out of bed, make my morning drink, dive into the Bible or whatever devotional I am in, get a workout in and set about my day.

Something I read this morning in that hour of mama sanity time was a chapter from the book 100 Days to Brave by Annie F . Downs. Day five gut checked me, y'all. Hard. I have been putting off this blog writing idea I have had for Y E A R S because I "didn't know how to start" it "perfectly" (envision me giving myself the side-eye). I think this boils down to fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of not doing it "right". Fear, y'all. Fear.

After Annie's gut punch this morning, I set out to put the "finishing" touches on my blog. I know it will never be "finished". I know it will never be perfect. I know it will never be the same design forever. But at least, now, it will B E .

I yearn for words and writing and having this outlet more than anything and I can't deprive myself of this any longer because of fear.

In all seriousness, if we allow fear to strangle us of what we desire most, is it not wasting the journey and life we are gifted with? Does it not bleed over and begin to infect other areas of our life, other than the one we have the most fear with? Do we not give it more power than it actually has?! How do we begin to rid ourselves of this leech?

Courage. The answer is courage. We need to hold on to courage, even the slightest glimpse of it - and allow it to grow.

Having courage does not eliminate fear, but can help diminish it and loosen it's hold, opening up the ability for us to breathe in the space that is left, and allow those seeds of courage to grow there.

Once you practice using that courage more and more, fear is easier and easier to suppress. I don't know about you but I am ready to suppress fear instead of it suppressing me. Use courage to combat fear; use courage to allow oxygen back in, in the growing absence of fear.

Fire needs oxygen and if I want this fire that has been lit within me blaze, I've got to make the first move in letting it breathe. The first move is to begin.

I hope to encourage and inspire, to create a space of learning, growing and empowerment for myself - for others. Because we are never truly in this alone, y'all. even in the depths of loneliness and despair, we are not truly alone. I hope to inspire you and dream with you. I hope to just write my heart on these pages and see where it takes me. I can't wait for this journey.

I will catalog my life, my happy, my sad, my angry, my vulnerability. I am sure each will visit for a while and have their own words to say. I hope you'll join me on this journey, as imperfect and messy as it will be.